Hard Core...porate!

Posted March 3, 2005 by éS

Growing weary of the mass infiltration of skateboarding by car, phone and deodorant mega corporations in recent years, we here at éS Footwear have decided to turn the tables and start a movement to counter-penetrate the corporate world. Following the lead of éS Team Manager Tony Evjenth, undercover skateboarders everywhere, cleverly disguised in standard business attire, are secretly staffing the ranks and climbing the ladders of the corporate world as we speak, until we are thoroughly assimilated.

Ascending to the top of the ivory tower, we will then quickly sell our true, raw, street-level souls to the devil in exchange for a non-stop diet of stretch limos, power lunches, casting couches, multi-million dollar salaries, gold watches, a smile resembling double rows of Chicklets, and, of course, the always-coveted key to the executive washroom.

Simultaneously, we will force all the corporate heads at squirt gun point to descend into the streets for the rest of their lives, where we will crack the whip incessantly while teaching them how to skate. Their sole career objective thenceforth will be to eke out a meager existence as a low-level criminal trespasser, scarring the concrete landscape with endless wheel scuffs and truck grind marks. After exploiting their talents to the fullest for a decade or two, we will then, at the end of their functional lives, unceremoniously discard their hollow, broken, poverty-stricken shells and continue to reap massive financial rewards from new up-and-comers on into infinity.

Then finally, at the end of time, we will all start playing golf together.


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