Want a free pair of éS Flik shoes? Yes, I think you do! Just tell a joke right here in this Blog (only). When the contest is over on December 16, I will read through 'em all, and the one that makes me laugh the hardest wins one free pair of éS Flik shoes. No racist, sexist, hateful or disgusting jokes allowed. Also, keep 'em short. Read the Official Rules.
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There's 450 responses to "Tell a Joke, Win the éS Flik!"
Damn, no disgusting jokes? I'm out of this competition.
whoa i just discovered how to register on es i never new how to
omg please dont ban me again joe time goes so much slower. but i have more skate time. but im not that good. its a viscious cycle joe
How do you get an elephant out of a subway?
Take the "s" out of sub and the "f " out of way. (There's no f in way)
what did the purple monster say to the green monster?
Im purple baby!
hmmm.... yo mamas so fat that when she jumped in the air she got stuffed.
-What did George W. Bush get on his ACT?
--Drool!
Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall
what happend to the goldfish who went bankrupt? He became a bronze fish.
Why was the psychic convention cancelled?
Due to unforseen circumstances!
What do the call it when a girl falls on a rail?
A LIP SLIDE................
thast my joke my email address is frndsdontletfrndsrollerblade@yahoo.com
knock, knock?
who's there?
Discounts?
Discounts who?
Discounts as your birthday present.
haha i have a few pick the one you choose they suck
what did the math wiz acorn say when he grew up?
geometry
what is a dogs favorite holiday?
bow-wow-ween
what kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
boo-boos
If a girl with big boobs can work at Hooters.
Q: Where can a girl with one leg work?
A: IHOP
A husband wakes up to see his wife smiling. he asks her
why she is so happy and she says "ITS OUR
ANNIVERSARY, YOU FORGOT AGAIN!" She says if she
doesnt see something in the driveway that goes from 0
to 200 in 3 seconds in the driveway, shes gonna divorce
him. So the next morning she goes to the driveway and
finds a box, she opens it and....................its a bathroom
scale.
What did the momma duck say to the baby duck?
dont do quack
hahahahahaha
there were 3 nuns about to paint a church. but right before they started one of the nuns realized that if they got paint on there nun dress, they couldnt be nuns anymore. so they started to paint naked when suddenly the door rang. one nun yelled, "who is it?" the person at the door yelled back, "its the blind man!" so they thought that if they opened the door the man wouldne see them naked because he's blind. so they open and the door and the man said, "hey nice jugs, where do you want your blinds?"
Let's try to lay off the "fag" crap. I know you guys can come up with better stuff than that.
how many old school skaters does it take to change a light bulb?
10- one to change the light bulb and the rest to say how good the light bulb was back in the day.
what did the polar bear say to the other polar bear eating ice cream?....
..i have cancer
How can you tell if an ocean in friendly?
It waves
So a guy walks into a bar, the same guy says anyone have an icepack?
So did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
...I heard the reception was amazing.
why did the golfer bring extra pants when he went golfing?... because he might get a hole in ONE!
So a guy walks into a bar, the same guy says anyone have an icepack?
age 18
"knock knock"
"who's there"
"this is the IRS i'm here to take all you're possessions"
What's the speed limit of sex?
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean.
y does snoopdog carry an umbrella...for drizzle
i have two for now..
yo mammas so old she speaks Latin!
Three guys are up in Heaven. God meets them and says "I'll give you each a car but depending on how many times you cheated on your wives." So the first guy says he cheated ten times, so he gets a broken down old jalopy. The second guy says i only cheated once, he gets a porsche. The third guy says i never cheated on my wife, he gets a limo with a driver and everything, but he looks really pissed off. The other guys ask him, why do you look so pissed off you have all this nice stuff, the third guy says "yeah.. but i just saw my wife on a skateboard"
The rather broad lady showed up at the theatre just before the
performance started and handed the usher two tickets.
"Where's the other party?" asked the usher.
"Well," said the lady, with a blush, "one seat is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're both really for me."
"Okay with me, lady," the usher replied, scratching his head., "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers 51 and 63."
so a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says " you know we dont get to many grasshoppers in here, but we do have a drink named after you" and the grasshopper says "really? why would you name a drink steve?"
-What do a bicycle, a frog, and a chicken all have in commen?
-They all have handlebars except for the frog and the chicken!
What did the momma duck say to the baby duck?
DONT DO QUACK
(Forgot to Read Rules :X)
Age 17
A man walks into a bar then what does he say?
-ouch
(he walked into a metal bar)
Why did superman put mayonnaise on himself?
To make HERO sandwich!
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Q:why do punk kids wear alot of camoflauge?
A: because they dont wanna be "SCENE."
HAHA
why don't oyster's donate to charities?
because they are shellfish.
Theres a new store for cross dressers now. . .
It's called Susan Be Anthony
y cant i kickflip a 10 stair
cuz i suck
do you have a mirror in your pocket?
cus i can see myself in your pants OO BABY!
Mickey Mouse goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks at the judge stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fucking Goofy....
Why couldn't the pirate get into the movie?
BECAUSE IT WAS RATED ARR FOR ALL THE BOOTY.
Some guy named john walked into a bar. John tripped on a man's brown sneaker, and fell into a white puddle. This white puddle lead to the most disabled person on planet earth...Morpheus Deuce. John could not get any satisfaction so he told that his shark, tim, could buy him alcohol. (but only 4 %)
Kenny, age 18
Whats the difference between eS and all other skate shoes?
eS are waaaaaay better... geeetttt it? GIVE ME SHOES
what has 32 teeth and can hold back the incredible hulk?
my zipper
Q: what happens when a person gets banned from the emerica blabs.
A: they go to the tum yeto forums.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."
where do famous dragons go?
The hall of flames
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
I'll never forget the first time my dad talked to me about sex. When the talk was over I asked, "What's the best condom?". He said, "The best condom is a swift kick to the stomache."
A rich man and a poor man were Christmas shopping for their wives. The poor man asked the rich man what he was getting his wife. "I'm getting her a mink coat and a Porche. I figure if she doesn't like the mink coat, she'll like the Porche. What about you?". The poor man replied "I'm getting her a pair of slippers and a dildo. I figure that if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
why did the girl get pregnant???
because the teacher told her to do an essay
There were two fish in a tank, What did one say to the other?
How do you drive tis thing.
A priest...a Rahbi...and AHHHH screw it!
Just GIMME the shoes!
One day a teacher told her classmates to get there parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end... Augusta came back to school the next day and told about his Aunt Earl that was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the
whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands. Horrified the teacher asked what his parents were trying to pass off as a moral in the story? Augusta replied "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Earl when shes been drinking."
ok there were catholic methodist and baptist preachers arueing about big there family was soo the catholic says "i have 7 boys my wifes pregnant and one more boy and i have a basketball team" so the baptist is like "you should be ashamed i have 11 boys and my wife is pregnant with one more and if its a boy i have a foot ball team" so then the methodist speaks up "you both should be ashamed argueing oiver the amount of kids you have" they both look at him then he says "i have 17 wives one more and i have a golf course"
yea im 13 what do i have to do? but heres the joke its not 25 words but maybe you'll find it in your hearts to take it
The Letter of Reference
"To Whom It May Concern:
"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."
Delivered a short time later:
"That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote
the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
every other line."
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals 69ing.
Shit, this contest is going off!
PLEASE KEEP IT CLEAN!!!
Oh, and apples, ttp://esfootwear.com/blog/2005/11/22/tell-a-joke-win-the-flik/#comment-6254" rel="nofollow">yur joke is hillarious. If I was the one picking the winners (No, I am not) I would pick yurs!
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams,"AHHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches to the back of the bust to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks,"Are you okay, dear?"
The lady replies,"I'm so angry,that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says,"You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
yo mamas so poor she strips at chuckie cheese for tokens
yo mamas so fat she stepped on the scale and it said to be continued...
APPLES.. hahahaha yeah austin. wow that was hillarious.
No blonde jokes.
No Michael Jackson jokes.
No sick or disgusting jokes.
No jokes about racial or ethnic groups.
No jokes insulting women, etc.
You get the idea.
what did one GIRL brand skateboard say to the other GIRL brand skateboard?
i just got ridden by a really hott dude.
Matt, 13
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
To get to the other side.
yea...
Ryan, age
im gonna send a sponser me tape to emerica and krew of me bailing on a curb and breaking 8 bones in one leg.
yo mama's so fat..her belt size is the equator!
wow, who plays wow(world of warcraft) i mean wow like wow only wowers play wow because they have nothing else to wow other than wow u know wat im wowin'
ma ma ma my ma ma my mom say my my my mom say that my my my my mom say that ma ma ma my mam say that i shouldnt be skateboarding because my my my my mama say that skateboarding is for the devil
ur mommas so poor she cant even afford the or shes just PO
Ray Charles gives Stevie Wonder a cheesegrater for christmas, but after a week it is returned to Ray. Stevie said that the book was just too violent for him.
yo momma so fat, when she goes trick-or-treating she says "trick-or-meatloaf!"
age 16
your mommas bloodtype is ragu.And umm your mommas so fat she brought a spoon to the superbowl.And she so ugly that when she walked into a bank they turned the cameras off. And thats all i got.
This is more like a essay then a joke but here it goes:
I cant believe lawyers and other citizens these days. Peopele are actually trying to sue Mac Donalds because they got fat from their foods. The suprising thing is that some lawyers actually are taking up the cases. What is that?!?
What would you say?
"Your honor, I am a fat bastard because of this fast-food chain."
They actually expect to win the case!
Go to LA Fitness, Get on Atkins, whatever. Just shut up and stop complaining because your a fat bastard whos second home is a fast food resturaunt.
I rest my case.
what did Bruce lee say when he went into Burger King ????????
Whoppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Yo moma so stupid she went to gap to fix her teeth.
koston off es for lakia...very funny
Your momma is so awesome, she gave me a free pair of éS Flik shoes.
name: MARIO.
age:14
how do you know when jordanlewis posted a gay ass joke?
no one laughs.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, why the long face....u better get that one.
this is so gay I'm hoping this is a dream a really bad one
a guy walks into a bar and says ouch
Sorry it has to be long but very very funny
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
3 guys go on an adventure and are captured by verry resourseful tribe of natives. being as honerable as they are, they offered a last request to each one before killing them. the first guy asked for a nice cooked meal and after he ate everyone wached as the natives killed him skinned him and used his hide for a cannoe. the second man asked for a pair of eS flicks. he got the shoes then was skined and made into a cannoe. the third man asked for a fork...unsure of his motives but pleased with the simplicity they gave him a fork and before they could touch him he shouted FUCK YOUR CANNOE as he repeatedly stabed himself.
How many bay areans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
HELLA
Yo Momma is so fat, that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
Do "Yo Momma" jokes count as any of the jokes u can't say?
and im 14
ur dad is so fat that wen he went to school, he sat next to everyone!
ok what do you do with 365 used condoms?
you melt them down and make them into a tire, call it a good year
Im 19.
What is yellow with black wheels and makes you laugh?
A bus full of rollerbladers showing up for the X-Games.
Im 21.
Bought some animal crackers and it said on the box, "Do not eat if seal is broken." And when I opened it up, sure enough. . .
andrew mccall
sekudo@yahoo.com
There was a man reading a newspaper at a local store and a woman look at the headline and was distgusted... The headline read "15 Brazilion soldiers dead". She was angered and asked the man reading,"How much is a Brazilion?"
During an adult's english class, the teacher says to the students : "Now,
you have to make a sentence which contains the three words green, pink and
yellow".
The Italian was the fastest:
"I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun and the green grass and I
think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."
The Spaniard was next:
"I wake up in the morning. I eat a yellow banana, a green avocado and in the
evening I watch the pink panther on TV."
Last was the Frenchman:
"I wake up in ze morening, I hear ze phone: "green!!!...green!!!". I pink up
ze phone - I say "Yellow?..."
k guys this is a long one aye
george bush ,a priest, a nun and a kid are all on a plane.
all of a sudden the pilot runs out and says "the planes goin down" so he grabs a parachute and jumps out.
thinkin quickly the groups goes to where the parachute are, they find that there is only 3 left. The nun graps one and says"i must dedicate my life to god so she jumps out"
george bush says"well im the brains of america so i have to live" he graps a parachute and jumps out. finally there is one backpack left the priest says"well kid you have your whole life ahead of you so u take the last parachute"
the boy replies "wat do ya mean there's 2 parachute's left"
the priest is suprised and says"how is that true"
The boy replies "well the brains of america took my backpack"
it took me bloody ages to write dat joke, so freckin laugh everyone. :P
yeah and im 16 go me
your mom is so dumb she put a pep hole in a glass door
I'm 29
Here's the joke; it's from the Mitch Hedberg (r.i.p.)
I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren't supposed to be downtown. There's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, "Let me have a bun." She wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She said it's against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren't supposed to touch. So, I said, "All right, put some lettuce on it." "That'll be $1.75!" I said, "It's for a duck!" "Oh, then it's free." I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
Me again age 29 - i did not read the rules that said less then 25 words...or else I would have used this joke:
I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.
29
why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
For Drizzle
yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it
22
why did the old lady put wheels on the rocking chair?
she wanted to rock and roll.
yo mommas so pour when i ring the door bell she sticks her head out the window and sayS, "DING DONG!"
Yo mama's so fat she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama's so fat she took one step outside in high heels and stuck oil.
What did 50 Cent say when he went to the tailor?
Gee, You nit?
Yo mama's so fat she sits AROUND the house.
Sam, Age 15
What did 50 Cent say when he went to the tailor?
Gee, You nit?
2 guys were sitting next to eachother in a bar and one turns to the other and says..."dude i fucked ur mom last night"
the other guy turns to him and says"dad ur drunk, lets go home"
guy comes home from work and its his and his wifes 15th wedding anniversary. he walks in the door and his wife is standing there in some sexy ass outfit holding some rope. she says "tie me up and do anything you want". so he ties her up real good, and goes to the skatepark.
yo mamas like a big mac, full of fat and worth a buck.
ok so this guy walks into a bar and sees a pot of money on the table and asks whats that for, the bartened says its for anyone who can make my horse laugh so the guy says i'll give it a shot. goes in the back and comes out a minute later and the horse in laghing so hard. so he takes the money and leaves and he comes in again the next day and sees a bigger pot than yesterday and asked whats this one for? the bartender says its for anyone who can make my horse cry so he says i'll give it a shot, goes int he back and comes out and the horse is crying his eyes out so he grabs the money and the bartener says wait tell me how u got him to laugh and cry. the guy goes well the 1st time i told the horse my dick was bigger than his the 2nd time i showed him.
yeah it probably breaks the rules but whatever.
how do u kill an elephent?
dig a hole
fill it up with ashes
then kick it in the ash-hole
There is a chav in a car with no loud music on. Who's driving?
The Police
your mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popt out.
your mama so fat she uses the street as a slip and slide
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none they'd rather sit in the dark and cry about it.
This is my joke..
The funniest thing about this whole thing is that....ummmm
They all try to bust out there best joke to win a pair of shoes..
i would probably lick the bottom of Antwans feet to win these shoes.. no jokes or gimmicks..screw the jokes go out and do something hardcore!!..if licking feet is hardcore..
whats the difference between brittney spears and a barbie doll? brittney spears has more plastic
3 peaople die and go to heaven, and 1 of the saints has 2 ask them a question before they can enter. so the 1st 1's question is 'what was the first man alives name' so the man sed adam, so he goes on in. the next man gets asked 'wat was the 1st ever woman alive's name' so he replys eve, so he goes rite on in, so the last guy stands there awaiting his question and he gets asked 'what was the 1st thing eve sed to adam when she 1st seen him', so the man stands ther and thinks and sezz ooo thats a hard 1 int it and the saint replys 'yep go rite on in'!
OK i have now figured out my joke..but its not even really a joke its true..
The only way i push on my skate is mongo..like i skate goofy but i push mongo all the time..and ppl around here are so used to it they're like whatever he's good so dont say shit..
i know some of you will find this funny
Two grains fo sand in the desert, sais the one to the other "I´ve got the feeling we´re watched".
What does a male pair of Es say to a female pair of Es?
- Hey, nice Es!
Where do you find a one-legged dog?
Where you left it
im 15
how many skaters does it take to scew in a light bulb
3...1 to do it, 1 to film it, and 1 to go OOOOOHHHHHH!!!
What does a Skater say to another Skater, when he gets jealious?
That was soo "Sketchy"
dude, i love that joke except the whole part were it sucked
what does the DJ like on his pizza?
Mara- Nara
(hint: say as in a scratch)
one day at school the teacher told all of the students "stand up if you think your stupid".
nobody says or does anything, but lil johnny finally stands up and the teacher says "you think your stupid?".
lil johnny says"no mam i just dont want you to be standing up there all by yourself"
its really not that funnyy ..
your moms like a light bulb anyone can turn her on
So, a guy walks into a bar and wins a free pair of éS Flik shoes.
name: Mario
age: 14
oh yea,
email: elmasshaka@hotmail.com
your mamas so fat, they changed my Physics book to say what must go up must come down except your mama!
one more check it! your mamas so fat, no one can talk behind her back!
Me: Do you know Chad?
You: Chad Who?
Me: Chad Up!
Me: Do YOu kNow Cha Cho?
you: Cha Cho who?
Me: Cha Cho Ass Up!
So theres this man and a wife and they get married. They are really happy together and they have 3 kids. They both love their kids very much. One day just to tease the wife the husband starts calling her "Mother of 3." The wife really doesn't like this and gets really aggravated, but doesn't do anything about it. He calls her that for a long time. About a year or so later they are at a party, and after a few hours of being at the party the husband wants to leave.
"Mother of three where are you," the husband yelled constantly.
"Right over here, Father of Two!" yelled the wife back.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
im 14
I feel sorry for whoever has to read all these. Garry, if that's you, I'm sorry.
um.. the K2s
what do you call a pinus and a potato
a dictator
Did Anyone hear about the new movie about pirates?
I heard it was rated ARRRRR!
14 years old
Always wear a camoflauge condom so she cant see you cummin!
oh yea and i'm 18
im gonna try to translated it in english but it might not have much sense.
A fat lady goes into bar and says to the bartender: gimme some beer later on she is drunk, and tells to the bar tender: that since he left me (some guy you she is drunk) ok she says since he left i feel a big burn in my heart,suddenly the bartender says : mam move away your left breast from the grill.
get it ?
mexican man.
Whats a Girls Best Friend?
Dimands and Chocolates.
Q:why do punk kids wear alot of camoflauge?
A: because they dont wanna be “SCENE.â€
... and i am 13... i forgot to say it on my joke up there...
es accel plusses are_the best shoes
Q:why do punk kids wear alot of camoflauge?
A: because they dont wanna be “SCENE.â€
purpose for lyfe
oh yeah forgot im 20.....
Q:What did the man say when he walked into the bar
A: Ouch!
(The bar was a pol)
So 2 nuns are talking, and one of them says 'I'm so mad at father john! last night, I found a box of condoms in his desk drawer! I was so mad, I poked holes in all of them!' Than the 2nd nun says 'Oh, crap.'
ok heres my joke
a cab driver picks up a nun and their driving along and the cab driver keeps looking at her and the nun says" why do u keep looking at me?" The cab driver says "well its always been my dream to kiss a nun"
and the nun says "ok under two conditions
1 u have to me single and 2 you have to be catholic" and the cab driver says "ya ya i am "
so they pull in to an alley and he kisses her
and then they get back on the road and he still keeps looking at her and she then says " why do u keep looking at me again"
and the cab driver says well i lied im jewish and im married " and the nun says" well thats all right i lied too my name is kevin and im going to a halloween party
funny shit
Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.
Ok thers a blind boy and his mommy says. "
Johnny if you pray really hard for the next two days you'll beable to see again." He goes straight to bed and prays for ten minutes. He wakes up after two days and he says to him mom "i didnt work i'm still blind" His mom starts laughing and says "I no APRIL FOOLS".
Two muffins are in an oven,and it is starting to get hot.So one muffin,who can't take it anymore,turns to the other muffin and says,"its getting hot in here,you think they'll let us out?"and the other muffin replies"HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"
the best pick up lines ever:
Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.
ok,there are these 2 skateboarders 1 says do u know wich way the skatepark is the other guy says no u know why the other guys says no why he says becuse i dont skateboard i skate on a board hahaha!
oh yeah i forgot im 14
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
Say each word aloud. This is a tongue twister.
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the only 3rd word in each sentence aloud.
Levi age 17 fukinlevi@hotmail.com
alright i got 3
1. yo mommas so fat she put on a polkadot dress and everyone said lets play twister!
2.yo mommas so fat she fell in love and broke it!
3.your so stupid u choked on air!
what is a happy skater called, a sgayter HAh i lost, yeah im 18
You guys have some pretty lame jokes. I don't know if mines much better but oh well...(im 14 doggy)
Q: What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and Simba?
A: One is an african lion, and the other is a lion african.
are your mom jokes aloud? cuz ive got a couple. o well hope so
1)your moms so poor when i walked into her house a rat tripped me and a roach stole my wallet
2)your moms so poor i dropped my cigarette on the ground and she said, "clap your hands and stomp your feet! praise the lord we got heat!"
3)your mom is so poor her tv only has 2 channels......ON...and OFF....
and finally 4)your mom is so poor when i saw her walkin down the street with only 1 shoe i asked "hey did u lose a shoe?" and she said "no i found one!"
oh i love your mom jokes...
ok so baer and rabit were walkin thru the forest and bear sees a frog, and says lets light it on fire, and rabit says NO, thats a magic frog it will give us three wishes each. so bear goes, pshhh u ready for a wish...i wish all the bears in this state were female...ok ur turn rabit, ok i wish for uuuh a motorcycle...bear goes thats the stupidest wish iv ever heard , u could have wished for like 1million motorcycles...ready for a wish...i wish all the bears in this countr were female rabit goes ok alright u ready i wish for a helme... bear goes ur an idiot, y didnt u wish for amillion helmets?now rabbits gettin all pissed because bears being a gooch soo he's waiting for bear to go so he could get his last wish and bear goes ready i waish all the bears in THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD... were female, so rabits revin up his new motorcycle and goes I WISH BEAR WAS GAY!
Q: what do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: a salad shooter
ok so a fly is floating above the water and theres a fish under it and the fish thinks if that fly drops 3 inches i can get..then theres a bear across the river that says if that fly drops 3 inches the fish will jump up and i can get the fish ...then thes a hunter on the other side of the river that says if that fly drops 3 inches the fish will jump the bear will get the fish and i will get the bear.. behind the hunter that says if the hunter goes for the bear i can get his lunch... then theres a cat behind the mouse and that cat says if the mouse goes for the hunter i can get the mouse ...sooo the fly drops and every thing happens expt the mouse fell in the water and the the cat went in after it.......
Q:wats the moral of the story?
A:every time a fly drops a pussy gets wet
a pair of èS shoes walk into a bar, but the bartender says we dont serve èS shoes. So the èS shoes say "èS T F U!!!!!" lol kinda corney
^ IM 20 MY BAD
l
l
l
l
yo momma so hairy the when she walks in thw woods bigfoot takes pictures, and yo mommas so hairy she make you look liek you haven't hit puberty yet.
oh im 17
This guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and they get drunk. the girraffe passes out, and the guy leaves. the bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there!" and the guy says " that's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"
Why did the skater cross the road??
to skate to the other side!
Once I said a good diss to my friend and i heard someone say hey nice comeback. I told them that if i wanted comeback i'd wipe it off your moms chin.
O dissss....
email: galforgets@aol.com
Age: 14
A CAMEL goes to a strip club for the first time, and when he sees the stripers he says "hey, that looks like my toe!"
the teacher asked johnny to use the word definitely in a sentence.
johnny asked,"teacher do farts have lumps in them?"
the teacher says,"of course not."
and johnny says,"then i definitley s**t my pants."
ok i got a couple pick a good one
1)What do vampires like to do at parties?
---Scary 'o key
2)What do noses like to do at parties?
---Boogie!
3)What did Jay-Z say to 50 Cent when he gave him a sweater that he knitted?
---Gee, you knit? (G-Unit)
4)What animal shoud you never play cards with?
---A CHEETah
please pick me
you can tell im desperate.
Q:Why couldnt the blind fly see?
A:Cause he could'nt see shit
There was a couple, Bob and Debbie, who had been dating for a few months. And they planned on eating dinner at Debbie's house so Bob could meet Debbie's parents. Debbie told Bob, "Since you're meeting my parents tonight, and it's a special night, I want it to be the 'first night' for us (sex)." So Bob was excited and he went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms. While he was shopping, the pharmacist came up to him and asked if he could help him find anything. Bob told the pharmacist about how he was going to have sex for the first time and wanted to be prepared. So the pharmacist told him everything he needed to know, and then asked how many condoms he would like. "Do you want one, a 5 pack, or a family pack?" Bob said, "I figure I'll be pretty busy, since it's my first time, so give me the family pack." So Bob went to Debbie's house to eat dinner. When he sat down at the dinner table, Debbie's father asked Bob to say the blessing. They all bowed their heads. A minute passed and Bob said nothing. Two more minutes passed and Bob continued to bow his head in silence. Finally Debbie leaned over and whispered in Bob's ear, "I had no idea you were such a spirtual person." Bob whispered back to Debbie, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Yo momma so fat her picture couldnt fit on the wall
what did the ripped up shoe say to the feet? You smell funny so get me some ES fliks rite happy now!
Man calls home.
Maid answers phone.
He says, "Can I speak to my wife?"
She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend."
He's mad--says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both."
Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok."
5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?"
He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home."
She says, "We don't have a pool."
He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"
email:blindkids69@yahoo.com
what did my foot say to the new es fliks? i dunno nothing they never met... oooo sad but true
What happend to the frog's car that was parked next to the fire hydrant?
It got toad away. (towed)
name: Mario
age: 14
email: elmasshaka@hotmail.com
Man 1: I once met a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Man 2: Well, what was the name of his other leg?
An éskater in desperate need of skate shoés walks inside an Emerica retailer and asks if he could get hooked up with new shoés. The clerk sarcasticly said:
"Yea, like we give a Flik"
name: Mario
age: 14
email: elmasshaka@hotmail.com
ok... wait... this isn't my joke, because i already posted it.... this is my info...
I'm eighteen, and my e-mail address is robert3_13@hotmail.com or rtaylor1@nebrwesleyan.edu
Two rabbits are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other rabbit says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.''
oh yea im 15
What do you call a female tortoise?
a Cli-tortoise!
The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto".
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?"
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
"Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits.
I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night".
Well, everyone in the plane's trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off.
Half way down, she trips over an old ladies handbag - and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run dearie, he's got to go for a shit first!"
Your momma so fat she has more chins than an Hong Kong phonebook.
OR
Your moms so dumb she ask for a price check at tthe dollar tree.
im 19
whats green and has wheels?
grass, I was just kidding about the wheels part.
What has 7 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:To get to the other side
Knock knock
Whose there
Ida, Ida who
Ida like to be your friend(all the crew)
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
'Well, ' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.' The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating. The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.' He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.'
What musical artist do the Sith enjoy?
Darth Brooks!
Why don't you tell secrets to a corn patch?
Too many ears.
Yo mama so fat, she skates lib-techs.
Yo momma so fat that she needs 1000 cranes to hold her of the ground
age 13
three tomatoes were walking down the street the smallest one fell behind, the father turned around stepped on him and said hey catch up
Theres two muffins in an oven. One muffin says "Jeez, it's hot in here." So the other muffin says, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!"
What did 50 Cent say when his mom gave him a homemade sweater for Christmas?
Gee, you knit?
(G-unit)
i dont know if this is OK or not but whatever (its a halloween joke):
why couldn't the witch get pregnant, because her husband had a holloweener
knock knock
whos there
the owl says
the owl says who
excatly
im 13 ok here goes
im 13 ok here goes theres 2 jokes / how many cockaroches does it take to skew in a light bulb you never know when you turn on the light they skatter
sorry about the 1st 1
ooo hers the 2ed one sorry ok why did the baby start crying he looked at his dad
why shouldnt you tell a joke on ice?
because you might crack it up!
what's brown and sticky?
a stick
what's green and smells like paint?
green paint
what's round and orange?
an orange
A blonde is like a pooltable, put a dollar in and she'll rack your balls.
err yeah, I forgot to say that I am 15.
whats the only thing sweats in antarctica?
Billy
. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT sweat, camel relic ,monk, mongol, ben elliot, weasel (jason) BILLY villager,
Brown age 79
BILLY
GOK
CAMEL
BILLY = Sweat master PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
Theres three guys shitfaced in a bar ten storys high.
one says to the other two guys i bet i could jump
out that window over there and come right back up those
stairs and through the front door in less than ten
seconds. bull shit says the other two guys. so the first
guy says ill prove it and he jumps out the window. sure
enough he comes through the front door in less than ten
ten seconds. so the other guys say holyshit how'd you do
that. the first guy says well ill let you in on a little secret
thats a magic window over there so by this time the
other
two guys are a bit amazed. so they go over and jump
out the window. they both splatter on the street below.
the bartender looks over at the first guy and says'', you
know what superman you can be a real ass hole
sometimes
the best joke ever. U
I have a really big fat joke for you. YOUR MOM
Age 16,
Why couldn't G-Unit get on the bus?
Because they didn't have 50 Cent.
what sweats more a hairy gorilla out skating in the desert or Billy in airconditioning?
A: Billy
Brown age 91 nd a half
1.
Q:What do a pimp and a cowboy have in common
A:They can both throw a hoe-down
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
what kind of bees produce milk?
BOOBIES.
hahahahhhahah.
cant you come up with something better than this crap??? I thought i'd find something funny in this blog but everythings just shit except that michael jackson joke, that was hilarious. Too bad someone has to read all of these...
A man goes to a zoo and all thats there is a dog!... it was a shitzu
Your mommas so fat that when she went to tha airpotr she got arested for havin 200kg of crack
im 14
BBUUUUNNNNGGGG
your mommas so fat when she went missing they had to use all four sides of the milk carton
oh yeah i'm 11
i forgot to say i'm 11
I also forgot my age but i'm 11 too
i am 16 by the way
PS: I just wanna holla at the eS team they reppin the streets YEAH!!
a man see's an add in the news paper for a talking dog, $20. The man goes to the adress in the newspaper, goes up to the door and says " i heard you are selling a talking dog for 20 dollars", the guy gose why yes i am. the man says well can i see him. The guy says shure, he is in the bedroom watching t.v. The man walks into the bedroom and the dog says hi. The man goes this is unbelivebal, why are you here. The dog says well i started off in world war to draging the injured soldiers off the battle field, then i carried medicin to neir by hospitals and doctors. After that i lead the blind, then i helped teach dogs how to lead the blind. Finally i decided to ultamitly retire and ended up her. The man, astonished, walks out of the room and says to the guy what is the deal why are you selling this dog? The guy says because he's a stink'en liar.
I'm 13
i am 14 years old
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
cow, horse and sheep in bed, cow says, "mooooove over" horse says, "niiiieeeegghhhh chance" the sheep falls out the bed and goes "BAAAAHHHSTARD"
my names cameron wildsmith, im 19 and you can check my profile for my email.
Why are pirates called pirates?
They just "argg"
Okay, 10 people die from a bus crashing. All the people on the bus are really ugly. They all end up in Heaven, and God says, "Okay, since everyone die and everyone is ugly, I grant everyone one wish." The first person goes up and says, "I wish I was beautiful." and POOF! She beautiful. The next person goes up and says, "I want the same thing." one after one they all line up asking for the same wish. Then God gets to the last person, and he's laughing. God says, "What's so funny?" and the guy says, "I wish they were all ugly again."
why dont rabbits make noise when they get racked on a handrail?.....They have cotton balls
why dont rabbits make noise when they get racked on a ahndrail?.... They have cotton balls"Tre" is me
god replied to my long awaited prayer and said "Love thy neighbor all through the day... but first make sure her husbands away!"
age 22
your so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
i pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.......and the bartender says,"SIR! you have a steering wheel in your pants!!" to which the pirate replied,"YARR...IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!" :)
What did the anxious child ask Eric Koston?
When is the damn yeS video coming out?!
what do you do with 365 used rubbers?
melt them down make a tire and call it a good year!
Why couldn't the ghost have babies? He had a hollowweenie.
My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters.
boarder_girl300@hotmail.com
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?â€
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, â€None, they all fly away with the first gun shotâ€
The teacher replies “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.â€
Then Little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?â€
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the coneâ€
To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.â€
Im am 12
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies
age:14
what did the penis say to the comdom.......... cover me im going in.
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
age 14
Man Props to your mom, for doing that sick Nata spin on me last night.
o yea im authorized by parents sry
two old ladies were sittin on a bench. one said "ive been sitting here so long my rear end fell asleep" The other one said "yeah i know i heard it snoring"
chazfiorino@yahoo.com
age 16
authorized by parents
Why doesnt McCrank have any friends?
cause hes Anti-Social!
Your momma is so poor she has to enter joke contests to win free pairs of shoes.
Mario
14
elmasshaka@hotmail.com
How do you catch an elephant?
Lie down and act like a peanut!
alexormes@yahoo.com
age 13
authorized by parents
A boy goes up to his mom'
"mommy how old are you?"
the mother says
"son, its rude to ask a women her age"
so the next day at school the boy goes up to his friend and says
" i asked my mom how old she was and she wouldnt tell me because its rude to ask a women her age"
She says
"i know how you find out her age, you look at her drivers licence!"
The boy comes home and looks for, and finds her drivers licence.
He says to his mom
"mommy, i looked at your drivers licence, i know how old you are. Your 43! i also know why daddy devorsed you, you got an F in sex"
want to hear a funny joke?
i think i have a chance in winning this contest
HA!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the pair of es shoes on the other side
one night as a couple lay down for bed the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "i'm sorry honey i've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and i want to stay fresh." The husband feeling rejected turns over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. this time he whispers in her ear "do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" eS is cool
what is in common with a women and a necktie?
they both are hanging on mans neck.
How are hookers and bunjie jumping the same.
They both cost $100 and if the rubber breaks ure screwed
IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
How many ADD people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
................Wannna ride a bike?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the pair of es shoes on the ohter side
How do you keep a blind person occupied?
Lock him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner.
you are so stupid you tripped over a cordless phone.
you are so dumb you tried throwing a rock at the ground and missed
ur mom is so fat she uses I-75 as a slip and slide
Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out." They both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home.
The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:
"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"
what did one burp say to the other?
let's be stinkers and go out the back door.
Why doesn't a chicken wear underwear? Because his pecker is on its head.
A pirate walks in to bar with a huge bulge in his pants.
The bartender asks, "Is that a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
Sorry, I am 25 years old. walletclan@hotmail.com
2 snakes:
1- Are we poisonous?
2- I dont know.Why?
1- I ve just bitten my lip!
You're so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund.
What the difference between Bush and shampoo?
Nothing,they are per capita.
Why did the frog cross the street?
to get to the other side duh...
im mad stone and im bored..lol
yeahh w/e es you guys rock
"I feel sick call me a doctor",..... "Your A Doctor"!
why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella??
Fo Drizzle
O.K So this guy is milking a cow when this fly comes in then it flies into the cows ear. he keeps on milking when the fly pops out and flies away. so i guess you could say "it went in one ear and came out the utter"
Do you know, what is a biggest noise ?
...
...
When is a digger jumping over the skipping rope on the tinny roof...
So i was on an airplane and the pilot comes on and says the usual we we will be cruising at 35000 feet....and he forgets to turn the mic. off when hes done talking, and he says to the co-pilot, man i could use a blowjob and a coffee right now and a stewardess from the back of the plane runs to tell him about his mic. and someone says, hey dont forget the coffee.
minsung park is me name
im 14
authorized by parents
Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other "God it's hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin"
Name: Colin Van Winkle
Age: 15
Authorized by me Ma and Pa
How do you get an elephant out of a subway?
Take the “s†out of sub and the “f †out of way. (There’s no f in way)
i am 14 years old, authorized by my parents...
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."
What do a Walrus and a tupperware container have in common?
They both like tight seals
A priest, a rabbi and a prostitute walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says,
"What is this, a joke?"
oh, and I'm 18 or older.
two pretzels are walking down the street and one is a"salted". supposed to be like assaulted. haha
o yeah my names is chris mccutcheon, im 16, and authorized by parentals.
What do you call an oyster that won't give up its pearl?
SHELFISH
ok so there was a bus full of ugly people and they were on a feild trip.And the bus goes over the edge. so they all die and go to heaven. God says "oo this is bad,o this is really bad,"he says "since this is so bad i am goin to give each of you one wish
so the first person goes up, " I wana be gorgeous" *Snap* hewas gorgeous
second person "i wana be gorgeous"
*Snap* she was gorgeous
about half way down the line the guy
yo momma so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet
yo mama so short, u can see her feet on her drivers liscence
(srry bout dat)
any ways...
every one was asking to be georgeous
about half way down the line the guy at the end is cracing(laughing) his but off
by the time it got to him he was on the ground laghing, almost crying, thats how hard he was laghing.
so when got asked him what his wish was he said..... Make em all ugly again
that is is funnyest thing ever
interpertive dance is a joke
and im 13
what do u call a backstreet boys greatest hits album?
a blank cd
15, rents permission
So there are two muffins in the oven right. So one says,"It's really hot in here" and the other says,"A talking muffin?!"
yo mama so old when i told her to act her own age, she died.
15, parent permitted
whats the difference between jesus and a picture frame.........
Picture Frame only takes 1 nail to hang
Permitted By Parents
who's the best dancer at a monster party?
THE BOOGEYMAN
ohh yea...im 14 by the way
How do you get a one armed clown out of a tree? Throw an axe at his face.
If hooters became a door to door service would they be called knockers?
age 13
With parents permission
I'm 17..well i met this guy names Pablicano and he hated me..so i said "hey man"..and he punched me..i was so excited i peed my pants..umm ima go eat sum stuff...na jk im stilll here..man i wish i was funny everyone hates me..naa jk but my heads big...like arnold
im 13 parents approved
Q:knock knock
A: whos that kanock knock knockin
Q:chicken
A:chicken who
Q:chicken finger!!!! i dont care if it makes you laugh or not it made me laugh for some reason when i heard it so ya. im awesome enough to have those shoes w/o a joke
there is this guy driving around town looking for three prostitutes. and at the same time this guy has a police after him. Well he drives up the road a little bit further and finds a blond, a brunette, and a redhed. so he picks them up and takes off. the guy tells the girls to get down he doesnt want the cops to see them so he pulls on in to a farm land and gets out to run seperate ways. he tells the girls to go hide in the potatoe bags in one barn and he would go hide in the other barn underneith the hay. so the girls go and get in to there potatoe bags. and the cop comes in a searhes the barn. well he goes up to the first bag where the brunette was hiding. so the cop comes up and kicks it. the brunette says ruff ruff. and the cop walks away and says its just a dog. so he goes to the next bag where the redhed was and kicks it. she says meow meow. and the cop walks away and thinks its a cat. so he goes up to the last bag where the blond was in and he kicks it... And the blond said Potatoe!! Potatoe!!
Age: 18
Q: What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
i am 14
parents approved
a man is sick in a hospital and has been in the hospital for 2 months. the doctors have come in and said that he had a rare disease and only one thing could cure it. the bring in a hot steeming cup of yellow tea and tell him to drink it. he drank it and the doctor said " do u feel better." the sick man says "no." the doctor says "well u will die in 4 months and i was just woundering if u would drink my pee"
what does dale earnhardt and pink floyd have in common
Their last big hit was the wall!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
age 16 parents approved
IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
single mother with 2 little kids
mothers boyfriend is visiting her, women is doing something in a kitchen... man is alone with the kids in a living room kids ask him: hey are you that new babysitter that mother told us about. man answeres: no kids, i'm your new motherfucker
your mama is so fat, everytime she turns around is her birthday
What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes.
BLLLLEEEAAAACCHHHH!!!!
a mother asked her son what he wanted to do when he grew up and he said, "when i grow up i wanna be a drummer." and she smiled, looked at him, and said "im sorry son but you cant do them both."
age 14 ^^
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for
a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he
has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her
parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is
outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner
tonight, don't say a word," She tells him," Our family had a
fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since,
but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it.
Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is
saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs
his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front
of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is
obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down,
but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and
does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her
dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there
is complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts
to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs
his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's
father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH
ALREADY. I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!!"
what is green and has wheels?
-grass i was just kidding about the wheels a part.
humm any other shoe company...
hahaha get it? there all jokes....
es cuuuuzz what
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
On the airplane on the way to Florida I decided to start a conversation with the man next to me.
I said, "I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"
He said, "I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
I replied, "That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
What do you call a anorexic girl with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
there is a bus of ugly kids and the bus crashes and they go to heaven,so god says for your suffering i will give you one wish so the first kid says i wish i was beautiful and 5 other people say i wish i was beautiful and at the very end of the line there is a boy thats laughing so 10 more kids say i wish i was beautiful and the kid at the end is cracking up soo theres 2 more kids and they say i wish beautiful so it get to him and so he calms down and says i wish they where all ugly again.
Yo mommas so fat Stevie Wonder can see her
ok here's a joke:
a terrorist, the president, and kanye west holding hands.
THATS SO FUNNY!! HAHA! HAHA! ha-NO!
There was a kid and a icecream man, the kid came to the icecream man and asked:
- Hi, do you have chocolate?
the icecream man answered:
- No, only strawberry!
the word vegetarian is used to describe people who adhere to diets of mostly vegetables with some other protein supplements.
in a conundrum of the english language
the word humanitarian refers to someone who eats...
yeah that's right go ahead and say it.
i'm 17 ok here goes...
stupid1: ei dogg what is 1+1=?
stupid2: i dunno homie 5?
stupid1: you sure?
stupid2: yeah!
Stupid1: hahaha whooooooo
stupid2: Why?
Stupid1: i thought you did not know the answer....
How many skaters does it take you screw in a light bulb?
3. One to screw it in, one to film it, and one to sit at the side shouting "YÉAH!"
Sorry, typed that last one wrong. One to sit at the side shouting "YéS!"
Q: What happens when the president takes viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Yo mama's so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back
yo mama is so ugly, she went in an ugly contest and they said, sry no proffesionnals
Yo mama's got 1 leg longer than other and they call her hip hop
I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Vin Diesel once played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
well it looks like theres nothing Vin Diesel cant do that a 2 year old cant do too.
anyways, heres my joke:
"How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a litle boogie in it."
enjoi...
some might not find this funny but i do cause ima hunter.
Vegetarian: veg-a-tear-e-an- 1.a person who does not eat meat. 2. BAD HUNTER
There's two of 'em---
1.
Q. What's green and has wheels?
A. A peice of grass.. I lied about the wheels.
2.
So there's a girl, and her boyfriend that went to a football game. The first thing the players do is flip the coin to see who gets the ball first. So they start the game, and the whole time the chick is asking her boyfriend "I don't get it... they're always yelling 'get the quarter back... but it's only 25 cents!'
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
Mike 19
How elephant do a kickflip?......
......He can´t do it, because he broke the skate.
What did one volcano say to the other volcano ???
I LAVA YOU !
-that shit so hilarious-
two sausages are being fried up in a frying pan,
one sausage turns and says,"geez, it's starting to get hot in here,"
the other looks over and screams, "oh my god a talking sausage!"
What do you do incase of fall out?
Put it back in a take shorter strokes!
a guy walks into a bar. and he says...
... OWWW!
oh wait there is another one.
so theres this mushroom and he walks into this bar and he says that he wants a budlight. the bartender says he doesnt serve his kind, but he says"why not im a Fungi(Fun-Guy)"
ages 18 and up
Hillary Clinton Invites two of her friends over for a cup of tea.The three ladies talk while they drink up thier tea.
Then the ladies somehow come to the subject of their husbands penises. One of the ladies says her husbands is like a china-man beacuse it may be small but it somehow keeps you smiling.
The next ladie says her husbands is like a light switch. It gets turned on by almost anything.
Then Hillary says that bill's is like a rumor it moves from mouth to mouth!!!
A man sees a pretty woman that he would like to make love with. So the man tells the ladie i'll drop 1000 dollars on the ground and i'll bet i could have my way with you before you pick it up. So the ladie calls her friend to ask what she should do. Her friend says go for it, its not like its hard to pick up 1000 bucs from the ground. So the lady tells the guy she'll do it. Later that day the woman calls her friend crying. when her friend asks what happend she says "he had 1000 dollars in quarters"
A man is unconscious for a very long time in a hospital, and sometimes wakes up for a while. Though his faithful wife sits whole days near his bed.Once as he woke and saw her, he told her:" By all hard conditions, you have allways been with me...When a became an redundant worker, you were with me. When I went into business and flummoxed, you were with me. When someone shot me up, you stayed beside me. When our house burn down, you holded me up. When I started to have these health troubles, you are again next to me. Do you know, what that means?" "What ever, sweethart?" "YOU BRINGS ME MISFORTUNE!"
umm ... wot do u call a bucket dats blue?
"a blue bucket"
Yo mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of george washington's nose!
There were a Camel and an Elephant. the elephant laughed at the Camel and said:"haha, u have boobs are ur back." the
Camel said:" ha. dats really funny coming from someone with a dick on his face."
I can see why all of the flies hang around you...
Cuz you're the shit!!
Q: How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to put it in, and the other to film it.
I forgot to put my age....15
a couple lay down in there bed to go to sleep the husband wants to do it the wife says no she has a docters appointment in the morning and wants to stay fresh the husband turns over rejected a few minutes later he turns back around and says do you have a dentist apointment too
a couple lay down in there bed to go to sleep the husband wants to do it the wife says no she has a docters appointment in the morning and wants to stay fresh the husband turns over rejected a few minutes later he turns back around and says do you have a dentist apointment to
Age 14
A boy is in religion class. He falls asleep during it and his teacher asks him what is our holy fathers name? The girl behind him pokes him with a pencil and he says "GOD". The techer says correct. He falls asleep again. The teacher asks him another quesion, who is the son of god?. The girl pokes him again and he yells "Jesus". The techer says that is correct. He falls asleep again. Later the teacher asks him, What did eve say to adam after they had had 28 children. The girl Pokes him again and he says "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, ILL BREAK IT IN HALF!"
have u guys seen stevie wonders new house.
neither has he.
iam 17 size 12
wat did jim bates say when eric koston asked how he beat him in the game of skate?
he replied "the trick to it is all about a lot of pop!"
siz 9 age 13 foo
wat did jim bates say when eric koston asked how he beat him in the game of skate?
he replied “the trick to it is all about a lot of pop!â€
siz 9 age 13 foo
wt did bob say when he saw the recent es as? how it is a switch hellflip shuvit?
oh my bad iam 18
i forgot to my ago, srry! here is the joke again
There were a Camel and an Elephant. the elephant laughed at the Camel and said:â€haha, u have boobs are ur back.†the
Camel said:†ha. dats really funny coming from someone with a dick on his face.â€
age 18, size 11 1/2
You are so fat when you walked out the door the cows said moo
you so fat when u jumped in the ocean the whales stared to say look it are brother
this is more of a story
i was mooning somebody and sharted all over the rug at them....they ran in the other room screaming SICK THERES SHIT EVERYWHERE
h
at the border a patrolman asked a mexican to use green pink and yellow in a sentence and he could pass. he said'' the phone green, i pink it up, and said yellow.
baby1: how many babies does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
baby2: how many?
baby1: HA—what's a light-bulb?
baby3: I don't get it.
baby1: how many babies does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
baby2: how many?
baby1: HA—what's a light-bulb?
baby3: I don't get it.
20 yrs
News headline
Woman beats of sex ofender in a aly way
...i guess thats a new way of self defence
yer maw's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?" "Because the $hit is running down my back!"
A GUY AND HIS FRIEND ARE DRIVING AROUND, AND A COP PULLS THEM OVER. THE OFICER WALKS UP TO THE DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND STARTS TO TAP ON IT WITH HIS NIGHT STICK. AS THE DRIVER ROLLS IT DOWN THE OFFICER HITS HIM IN THE HEAD. TAKES HIS ID AND GOSE BACK TO HIS CAR. COMES BACK AND TELLS THE DRIVER EVERY THING IS OK. WALKS TO THE PASSANGER SIDE AND TAPS ON HIS WINDOW AND HE ALSO GETS HIT IN THE HEAD, AND THE COP SAYS TO HIM," WISH GRANTED." WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN? THE OFFICER REPLIED, "I KNOW 5 MIN. DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL TURN TO YOUR FRIEND AND SAY I WISHED HE WOULD HAVE DONE THAT TO ME!"
♠▓ ▒ ♥ ♂ ¢1♣151♣☺♣1♣☺5§2:1♠☺50♦·5151█58☺Ω5☼
A boy walked up to his mom and asked "Mommy, can little girls have babies..?" his mother looked at him and said "Of course not hunny." He said "Ok" and ran in the other room and his mom hears "Ok we can play that game again"
What did one elder woman’s breast say to the other?
If we don’t get support soon, there going to think were nuts.
my name is henri tevajärvi.i am 12-years old and i have my parents permission.
what is in common between a women and a necktie?
both are hanging on mans neck.
whats red and sits in the corner....a naughty strawberry
Alright here's one, A blind guy is on a plane going to Texas. As he gets off the plane he goes on a bus he sits down "WOW these seats are real big" he exclaims "everything's big in Texas" says the guy next to him. Later on he stops for lunch and orders a burger "WOW these burgers are real big" he says again "everything's big in Texas" says the waiter. Later in the evening he orders a beer and says (you guessed it) "WOW these glasses are real big "everything's big in Texas" said the barman. The guy then asks to go to the bathroom and where it is "down to your right two doors down" he says, the blind guy accidentally falls over and chooses the swimming pool door door instead. He takes a few steps and falls in, Suddenly he panics scrabbling at the sides screaming "NO DON'T FLUSH!!! DON'T FLUSH!!!"
why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cause he was dead
HAHAHAHA
that was a good one
: )
There was a 3 legged dog and when it had to pee it fell
haha sooo goooood
What did one math book say to the other?
You got problems.
what did i say to all these jokes ................ there not funny there shitty
what do you call a sick video?
An ES flik!
age 16
cbf2344@yahoo.com
authorized by parents
did you hear about the doctor who got fired because he was having sex with all his patients??
Shame he was a great VET.
so there's two fish in a tank and one says to the other, "you know how to drive this thing?"
A black guy cumes in the fish bowl, he comes over the next day and the fish says "oh its that guy again, were having chicken tonight"
yo man....hav u seen stevie wonders new house?...Neither has he....
bitch...i jus read dan the man copied me...wot the fuck...i may be in england but im gunna nock that mofucka out
Doctor-What seems to be the problem?
Patient-Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time
The Doctor nods-Hmm.
Patient-My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?
Doctor- Hmm.
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled-Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?
Doctor- No, The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
there was 3 skaters in a car on a road trip and they were in a car in the middle of no were. there names were, John,Kenny,and Kaeleb and while they were on the road trip a gay cop pulled them over, John, the one whos driving says, "Sir, whatd we do, and the officer replied,"you were going 75 on a 45 mph road." then John asked the officer if there was any way they could get out of getting a ticket, and the officer said if yall shoe my yalls penis' and they all add up to 21 inches. so they all discussed and agreed.john pulled out his,10 inches,kenny pulled out his,10 inches,kaeleb pulled out his, one inch so after they did that the officer lets them go and when they start to pull off kaeleb goed, Phew, good thing i had a boner.
age 20, sorry it isnt under 25 words, hopefully not offending anyone from my joke
How do you keep thousands of skaters occupied?
Tell them they'll win a free pair of shoes if they tell a joke.
Mario
14
elmasshaka@hotmail.com
parent authorized (for all)
hey why is that guy diamond such a deuchbag?
because he lives in england and he bit my joke.
haha
Two guys stranded in the ocean. A genie pops up and grants them one wish. so the two gusy go deep into thought. then one guy thinking out load says man i'm so thristy i wish teh ocean was made of beer. before they knew it the ocean turned to beer adn the guy who siad it was kicked out of the boat. the otehr guy looks at him pissed off and yells Where Are We Suppose To Piss!!
Name: Dana
Age:16
email:lilman689@aol.com
This is no joke but change the toe box on the accels and accel plus's. make the toe box the way it used to be more narrow and kinda pointy shape. There are a lot of people who agree.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy falls over?;
*doughnuts*
Name- Chadd
Age- 17
e-mail- guevarachadd@yahoo.com
Did you hear about the blind man that went bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.
Age 17
Parent authorized
What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear?
DenimDenimDenim.
How many people does it take to tell some really lame-ass jokes?
Apparently over 400.
oh, and im 19.
A man is driving into Washington DC when he comes across a huge tailback on the freeway.
He sees someone coming along the line of cars stopping briefly to talk to each driver.
As he approaches the car, the driver winds down his window and asks what is happening.
The man says that terrorists have stormed the White House and captured George Bush, that they are demanding a $100,000,000 ransom and if it is not paid by the end of the day, they will douse him in petrol and burn him alive, so we are holding a whip round.
"How much is everyone giving on average?" asks the driver.
"About a gallon" replied the man....
Jo, age 25
A policeman stops a lady and asks her for her license. He says, 'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.'
The woman answered, 'I have contacts,'
The policeman replied, 'I dont care who you know! i'm giving you a ticket!'
i really like this slopper
there was a pub on the 8th floor of this hotel,a man came in dressed quite loudly, he sat down and asked for his favorite drink, the bar man passed him a bitter,it had light written on the side,he drunk the beer and jumped out the window,he came back up untouched a regular pub visitor came up to the man and said "how do you do that" the man replied, its this light drink, the visitor man was unsure so he asked him to do it again,he did and he was amazed, so amazed he bought the drink himself,after 1 pint he jumped out,he hit the ground and broke his legs,the flying man jumped out and flew down the hurt man asked "what went wrong", he replied " i was only joking, im superman!"
what do blodes and a shot gun have in commen?
you ggive them a cock and they are ready to blow.
......Hahahahahahahahah Bitches
iam corey and i am 16 my mommie said its okay
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
Two cannibals were eating a clown and one said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Age: 19
what did the sign on the whore house say?
beat it cause were closed.
why did a chicken have underwear on his head?
to cover his pecker.
one day a boy ask his mom what sh** means she tells him it means food. then he asks her what bit** means she says preacher. then he ask her what fu**ing means she says putting on your clothes. the next day the kids parents invite the preacher over for dinner. the door bell rings the kid opens the door and says, hey bit** sh**s on the table mom and dad are up stairs fu**ing.
Why Did the Monkey Fall out of the tree ?
-Because He was Dead
teacher: if you have a dollar in one pocket and you ask your dad for five dollars... how much money do you have?
kid: One dollar
teacher: obviosly you dont know math!
kid: no, obviosly you dont know my dad
Why does the seagulls cross the sea instead of the bay?
because if they cross the bay, they'd be called BAGELS!
HAHA GET IT?? BAGELS!!
im 16 in 7 days and i have my parents permission, you can ask them if you want....here are less than 25 words....a guy comes home and says to his girlfriend, "I tested positive..."
"WHAT!", replied the girl
"....for G.A.M.E.!!!"
24 y/o.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
im 16 by the way
my mum and dad also have permission for the competeition
yo mamas so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade.
I'm fixing to slap you with a napkin, an aggresive napkin.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives and sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it whole.The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" he replies. "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!" says the bartender. The guy replies "ya, doesnt surprise me. He eats everything in sight. Ill pay for all the expenses" the guy says, and then leaves. A week later he returns, and again has his pet monkey. He orders a drink and again the monkey starts jumping around. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry and sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and then eats it. He finds a peanut and does the same thing. The barteneder says "Holy cow! did you just see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" replies the man. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender. "Yea, doesnt surprise me" replies the man, "Ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything before he eats it."
So i tell this guy that i can win free fliks from es, he says "you better run i hate it when i get fliked"
age 12
parent approved
why did the condom cross the road?...........
cuz it got pissed off
my friends mom told me that lol
oi heres one for yaz
wat is green and red and goes around at 200mph?
A FROG IN A BLENDER!
Things that sound dirty in Golf
You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
After 18 holes I can barely walk.
Lift your head and spread your legs.
You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
Damn, I missed the hole again.
Age:16
skaters_r_kool@yahoo.com
Three guys are standing on top of the empire state building. The guy in the middle climbs the fence, jumps over the fence, and starts speeding to the ground. Right before he hits the ground he bounces back up to the top, over the fence, and in to his place between the other two. The guy to the right says,"HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!" the guy who jumped said, "its easy, you try". The guy to the right takes his word, climbs the fence, falls over and kills himself on the sidewalk. The guy to the left says to the man in the middle, "Jeez superman, your one mean drunk."
most people dont no this but the movie junior starring Arnold Swazznegger was based around a true story.Arnold Swazznegger was actually pregnant but he wasnt artificially inseminated ,he was inpregnated by Chuck Noriis,Chuck was experimenting to see if his sperm was strong enough to inpregnate men .Turns out it is.Chuck then kiled the baby by using various combinations of rabbit punches and round house kicks to the stomach of Arnold.
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is dumbass cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is fourty cat
this is seconds cat
ok now read the 3rd word in every line.
(this is how to keep a dumbass busy for fourty seconds)
Age 16
skaters_r_kool@yahoo.com
you asked your mom what was for dinner she opemed her legs and said some sushi and then u asked your dad if u could have something to drink ,he got a cup and put it on the floor and pulled down his pant and pissed in the cup and said is lemonade okay
What does a Kansas tornado and an Alabama divorce have in common? Someone's gonna lose a trailer.
im 14 and my dad told me this joke. he said its alright.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
There are 2 men in a bar in a skyscraper on the 50th floor. The first one says
to the other one
"I bet you that I can jump out the window and not get my self killed
The other one answers
OK, go ahead, I bet you 50$
The first one gets up, walks over to the window, opens it, and jumps out.
After about 10 minutes the second dude is thinking
Ha, that dumbass killed himself, he should be paing up right now!
About 2 minutes later the guy that jumped out the window comes back and brags
that he made it. He tells the other dude to try it, but he asks him how he did
it, so he explains that the 2 skyscrapers are so close together and there is so
much upward wind draft that the wind picks you up and caries you to the top of
the building when you jump out.
The second dude gets up, opens the window, jumps out, falls on the ground and
dies.
After the bar tender hears the guy hit the ground he whispers to the first guy
Superman, you need to quit fucking with the cuctomers
What do Rosie O' Donnenl and Don Vito Have in Common
They are both 1 M&M from Holy Shit!!!
Yo mamma so fat she has to go to sea world to get baptized by nutty proffesor cause she is the only one who can fit in his big O fat hands. Parent approved
yo mama's breathe smells so bad she talks shit.
yo mama is so fat she has to use a mattress as a tampon.
yo mama is so ugly her reflection quit.
When Vin Diesel drinks pee his asparagus smells funny....
my age is 15 too my bad
Yo mama is so fat when anyone says "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall screamin' oh yeahh
there were two hicks driving down the road drunk and still drinking the hick that was driving looked ahead and said oh no the cops, put the bottles underneath the seats and rip the labels off he askes why and the driver says just do it and stick it on your forehead. So they get to the cops and they say "have you guys been drinking" and the driver says "no were on the patch."
oh sorry im 14
oh yeah... im 19... és for life bitches
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